"my beloved saudi boyfriend "

Hello everyone! First and foremost I just wanted to say thank you for reading my post..I just wanted to asked some questions about having a relationship with a saudi guy?? First I just wanted to asked why is it a guy in this country commit a relationship to other nationalities knowing that he will end up marrying their women here??? Why they can't be honest with their selves?why they need to sugarcoat all the words they say? Just because they are eager to make a Sex?why they need to play our feelings despite for a fact that this woman really loves them..not because they are rich or what kind of things they can offer..but simply because you really just love this man.. Why?even me i don't know.. You see all foreign people came here just to have a work..the rest will just come to passed..I came from a middle class type family in Philippines.. My family didn't push me to worked here in this precious land;-) but because I wanted to show them that I can stand with my own feet I decided to come here..never in my dreams that I will allowed myself to worked here..but I guess sometimes we need to expect the unexpected.. To make the story short I fell in love with a man from here..honestly speaking I really loved this guy so much even we are living in different cities.. I'm in Jeddah and he is in albaha:-( but most of the time he came here to visit and spend time with me..the only people who knows about me is his brothers and some of his buddies.. Atleast I'm not that kind of a secret..he never fails to call me everyday.. His a good provider though I'm not asking.. I am working too..so still I am self sufficient.. We do have some petty fights but I guess it's just normal in every relationship.. How many times I broke up with him..but still he always finds a way to bring me back..yeah you can call me Stupid.. But what can I do I really love him..I don't know how other women loves?but all I can say that filipina woman if she loves she really does..against all odds as what they say..one time I had a big fight with my boyfriend and really that time I decided to really end our relationship.. So I did:-( I blocked him in all programs tango, whatsup.. Even I barred his calls and messages.. So totally no communications..and I was surprised that one day His bestfriend since childhood called me up and asking me what happened to me and his bf..I told him that nothing I just wanted to ha ve some space and I don't feel good talking to anyone.. He told me that his bestfriend was always angry and can't be talked so he assumed that it's really because of me..you know when you love you gave your all..but you will never know the real intention of a man until you find yourself in a situation that's very difficult to handle..I just find out last week that I was PREGNANT from him..I already told him about my situation and honestly he was shocked.. Yeah right!! After all the satisfaction he had this is what I've got:-( we are together for almost a year..make ups-break ups but we still had each other.. But why now I feel I started to lose him..not because of me.but because of him..I'm starting to falling out of love with him..Why?cause since he found out I am pregnant he never asked anything about this little angel inside of me..he always asked about me,what I felt, if I vommit? What I want to eat..? But if I open up about the baby he told me let's not talked about that..and he told me he don't want our baby.. And most of all he told me that he really wished that if I deliver this baby he wants to die...honestly I really cried a lot when I heard him say that..it really hurts me a lot..I told him not to say that again because this is his own blood.. My boyfriend comes with a well known and big family here in the kingdom.. I love him so I don't want to give any scandal or problems with him..so I decided to travel back to Manila and raised my baby there..I know in Islam when you got pregnant out of wedlock is Haram..but I'm not gonna abort my baby for this reasons.. I'm not gonna let my unborn child suffer it's because I made a mistake.. I would rather be honest to myself.. I'm not like some other arab women here that they need to abort the baby and to have some operation in their vagina just to show their men that they are still intact and virgin but the fact is not..I'm working in a hospital BTW..back to my predicament I really don't know what to do..I'm so confused.. I don't want to push myself and my baby for this man who can't accept his own blood.. Only God can judge us..He really knows our heart..

Shukran keteer..